Blows of a new semester

They hurt.

Somehow, nothing seems to be going right this month. TGI-only-few-more-months-before-summer-vacation.

After weeks of planning and revising, I submitted the Target Field Trip Grant back in November and finally heard back the first week when I came back from Christmas vacation. I wanted to organize a field trip for the MESA (our after-school math, science and engineering club) students to Albuquerque, but the distance, lodging and food will be costly in the end, and the little money we do have is definitely not enough. The grant is to provide for transportation and hotel fees. I was elated to find out that we received $800 from Target (my favorite mass retailer). Last year when I attempted to apply, I asked the principal, who was not sure (or accustomed) to teachers applying to independent organizations for grants, made a call to the central office and gave the OK. Unfortunately, I was a little too ambitious in the amount and too carefree on the application. Ultimately, I did not receive it. But this year is different, I thought, since I carefully budgeted out the spending, planned out specific assessment and objectives for the field trip, the hard work is finally paying off!

When I walked in the principal's office, I needed his signature in order to receive the check. He knitted his gray, thick eyebrows immediately, "Did you go through the business office? School board? Did you contact the superintendent? Did you call these hundreds of people on the district directory?" I was under the impression that I was OK to proceed since I already applied last year. No, I replied, I did not spend pointless effort calling people who don't give a shizzle for our club just so I can continue to put in more work in writing my own grant.

After another few phone calls, he came to me in the afternoon and said, "You are going to have to turn that down. Didn't follow district protocol."

... ... ... ...


"Why give away free money??" was the response I received several colleagues who sympathized.


At some point, one has to give in to bureaucracy, not just feeling powerless, but utterly ridiculous.

Incident two. I invited a local activist against an impending power plant that will be build just miles off the road, near communities and schools, to my classroom to tell her story. Since we are learning nonrenewable and renewable energy resources (following the standard!), I thought this guest talk would be completely relevant, local, real-world issues, thought-provoking, and educational. Since there are always two sides to everything, I was also planning to invite the power plant people to speak to the students.

The activist's talk was during the first week of school. At first, I was worried by her monotonous voice, that perhaps students would be bored and begin to fidget. I was amazed to find that they were all extremely attentive, respectful, quiet, and few even had questions! They were understanding a local issue! They were into it! I was so excited for them!

But of course, anything new and radical is bound to be reprimanded. The following day, I was called into the principal's office like a student waiting to be disciplined. "Your speaker yesterday was very inappropriate. Too political, we can't make the school political. In the future, reference all your speakers to see if they have a political agenda." I was surprised that he didn't reprimand me for not checking their criminal background like some colleagues may suggest, but instead wanted me to check for their agenda. In fact, a speaker's agenda is set by the teacher, at least in this case. I WANTED her to talk about issues that are close to home, issues that would affect the students' lives and families, so they can be exposed to different perspectives, especially since many have no idea what Desert Rock means. She was scheduled to return the next day to speak to the other half of the students, what I was supposed to do? "I don't want her to come back. I don't want her to come back." So... you are limiting half of the student body to not hear this woman's story, wouldn't that be even more political? "I don't care, she's not to come back." Of course, I was the news breaker, fueled by frustration and anger.

What about evolution? That is both a religious AND political issue. How can one separate science and the real world? Everything is about relating classroom material to RELEVANT events so students can RELATE, build prior knowledge, and learning can begin.

Our education system, at least in this area, is completely screwed up, with creepy white men running this district and school board who have no way of relating to the students living on the reservation, who have ailing family members, livestock to tend to, clans of brothers, sisters, nephews, and nieces who need babysitting, and relatives, if not themselves, affected by social ills such as alcoholism, drugs, and gambling. The messed up stories around here coming from exasperated voices we hear everyday are no longer movie material, but simply heart-breaking and incredible.

What is the solution? Turning potential, young, enthusiastic individuals away from education after some classroom experience dealing with students, parents, and administration is the worst of them all.

I'm tired of all this. Leaving is perhaps my only light at the end of the tunnel.

First Book: Bring book to all children

Last winter, my program director for Teach For America sent a notice out about free books for our students, we were all fighting for the limited spot. As it turns out, he was able to receive a truck load of brand new books from First Book, from contemporary titles about inner-city high schools to more well-known classics such as "Uncle Tom's Cabin", even biographies about famous African American authors. When I received the books, I was elated because now I have the perfect present for my 7th and 8th grade students. After teaching on the Navajo reservation in New Mexico for a while, I realized that students did not have much after-school activities, even when they go home. As a result, many of them become glued to the TV or addicted to video games. Many of them want to do other things like reading, but they don't have any book at home that are either appropriate for their age or their reading level.

When the students received them the day before Christmas Break, I got some usual moans and groans, but the majority replied with a hearty Thank You. After vacation, one of the first responses I heard was "I read all 4 of the books you gave us, Ms. Tang!" "I had nothing else better to do, so I read over the break." I was pleased that my gift, or better yet, TFA's gift to them was well-received.

This is when I first became attracted to the organization. I became a hard-headed advocate to bring First Book to our middle school. After introducing it before the Parent Advisory Committee, the principal went ahead with a "take care of it". I was excited, our secretary who helped me find student and school information for the application was also excited at the prospect at saving money in buying books and spending on other important items, even field trips.

As expect, my life soon became burdened by meetings, running after-school programs, coaching, and teaching. Even after introducing the organization and the website to our school librarian, I was still the sole person responsible for First Book as she later returned all information to me. I suppose with a more supportive administration and cohesive staff, the project could have taken off superbly. Unfortunately, we were not able to take full advantage of the organization.

Nevertheless, I love the idea of First Book, allowing every child the opportunity to read so that no one has the excuse to not able to buy books because they are expensive or unavailable. Education and literacy are important topics that our policy makers need to reexamine as our country begins to head in a better direction.

Endorse or Vote Now!

20-something

We're twenty something, with nothing to lose
And we like what we say, but not what we do
And we live in a crowd, and its breaking my heart
We're twenty something, worlds apart

These are everlasting glory days
Young or old, we'll always feel this way

-- Dala, "Twenty-something"


Sometimes, I think I forget we are only 20-something, a time when words weigh more than action, and becomes an excuse for unfulfilled promises. There are still plenty of time and opportunities ahead, there is no need to feel trapped in one place. As I bare this in mind, I'm beginning to rethink my path in life, decisions that need to be made for next year, rural or urban? NM or elsewhere? USA or Canada? Fling or relationship?

Highlight of my December

A run through of this past Friday (12.5.08) - Saturday 12.6.08), stay focused, it gets interesting:

Friday 12/5 - took the day off work because I have professional development in town. Since I'm gone, I let the kids practice standardized test questions. June says, "You are mean." I agreed. She lets her kids read current science news and answer questions, much more interesting and less brutal.

7:00AM - woke up, dressed in 2 minutes, went to school to pick up printing paper and a sample unit exam for my paper due today.

8:15AM - have a feeling that my certificate for completion for this None for the Road course is in the mail, went to post office, and it was there!!! NM requires all people under 25 to take a self-taught course in order to get your license. You pay for these courses, and you have to rent a video from the library, answer questions, get stamp from library, and mail everything back to get a certificate. I got the package in August, and got my certificate today. Incredible, the effort that goes into getting a NM license.

8:23AM - left for Gallup where my conference for MESA (the nerd club I run after school) is

9:25AM - arrive in Gallup, pull a friend out of work for 5 minutes, get Casper settled in her house with other dogs

9:45AM - arrive at conference site, already 15 minutes late

9:45-2PM - MESA advisor meeting with "working" lunch, we all got xmas gifts and what not. Yay for extracurricular activities! At the end of the meeting, we heard about a real lock-down at a school in Grants, an hour away from Gallup, because a kid was driving up and down town carrying an automatic and want to strike. What's wrong with kids these days?

2:10PM - 2:20PM - Motor vehicle department - got my new NM license!! My address on there is the TFA office because that's my only real physical address that I can prove. June comments, "What a sad life we lead..." This has been the fastest MVD experience ever!!! Granted, it's my 4th time there for the same reasons.

2:40 - 3:40PM - joined a group of cramming teachers in a coffee shop and crammed for my 50 page project due at 5PM for University of NM education department. Feels like university all over again, cramming at last minute. I was so stressed out today that the trademark motion of the day was pulling out my hairs...

3:45 - 4:30PM - meeting with my program director at TFA office for our co-investigation where we discuss my teaching and his observation, my students' progress and how I could improve... Finally, after seeing that I kept glancing at the clock, he says, "Why don't you finish up your paper, print and go to class?"

4:30- 5:00 PM - proofreading my paper, get more frustrated and give up at the end

5:00 - 5:05 PM - printing printing printing. Office machine can't print double-sided... I printed a book. Stapled all students work together and ran out for my class

5:15 - 8:10 PM - again, 15 minutes late, story of my life. Everyone makes their presentation about their project. Mine sucked but at least I finished. Our professor was a middle school teacher as well, and made a comment to the whole class, "In my experience, the hardest grade to teach and reach to is... 8th grade." Someone else tried to defend their grade level, and then she says, "Well, try teaching 8th graders." That made me feel pretty good.

Last 30 minutes of class, she shared the news that several faculty members in this department, including her, may or may not be coming back next year because with the difficulty economy, deans of colleges and university are cutting back funds and want to cut out personnel and invest more money into distance learning such as videos, cameras and websites... We all lamented for her. They are not the best professor we've ever had, but definitely beat a powerpoint and cyber classrooms.

8:15-8:28PM check on Casper, she has made friends with other dogs. Whew...

8:30-9:45PM Hung out with Sarah, my friend who's getting married in April in Kentucky, at Coal Street Pub, which was packed that night! Awesome hamburger...

10:00-12:11AM - Movie "Twilight" - now I want to read the book, still love teen romance movies...

Saturday 12/6:

12:30-12:50AM - arrive back at my friend's place, she's not there, I got the bed to myself, sweet!

12:50-5:50AM - sleep... zzzz

5:50-6:15AM - wake up, brush up, and head out to Red Rock State Park for annual Gallup Balloon Fiesta

6:30 - 7:00 AM - walking aimless around the field, trying to figure out what to do about volunteering at the rally, especially since the volunteer coordinators didn't show up. Finally, decided that since everything's so disorganized, I'll just go up to a balloon pilot and offer my service. One person introduces me to another group and on and on, I have a group to work with! Eilene is the pilot for their hot air balloon called Dreamcatcher, and Jeff is the crew chief. I'm one of two crew member...

7:00-8:00AM - setting up the balloon. Man, those things are heavy and gigantous!! Even our balloon, which is only 54,000 cubic feet, is massive.

8:10-9:40AM - 1.5 hr in the air with Eilene, I can't believe I'm off the ground 1000 feet, floating away from gravity, and relying on a giant bubble. It was breathtaking and I can't believe that turn of events led me up here among the clouds!!!

9:45 - 10:30AM - Packing up the balloon. Man... that was massive and still completely incredible!!!

10:30 - 12:30PM - hanging out at Tailgate Grazing party where all the balloon parties set up camp ground with their trailers, setting out food, drinks for everyone to taste. You just walk around and eat everyone's food even if you don't know them. Apparently, tradition normally calls for at least couple of days of celebration, this is already pretty sweet though. Also had a "First timer induction ceremony" where we had to kneel down on mats, hear the pledge for hot air ballooners, do a hand-free chug of champagne while someone poured water on our heads. I even got a certificate to prove I've rode the hot air balloon for the first time.

Rest of the day lays in lethargy because of a lack of sleep and a drain of energy. Still, I CAN'T BELIEVE I WAS ON A HOT AIR BALLOON, MET THESE INCREDIBLE PEOPLE, AND HAD AWESOME AMAZING HOME-MADE FOOD!!! The best part: THEY WERE ALL FREE!! Except for the parking fee... It was DEFINITELY THE HIGHLIGHT OF MY EARLY DECEMBER!!

Another Scorpio Year

"I used to always think I had to have a reason to record my observations of the day, or even my emotions, but now I think simply being alive is more than enough reason. Unshackled!" -- Douglas Couplans, "Microserfs" 1993.

5 and 1/2 months since Zack and I halfway crossed America with Casper the friendly dog, I have not blogged since. Only moments of inspiration like this fire me up for another entry. I look to my aunt, an avid blogger, as an example, hoping one day to mount to a collection as great, personal, and immense as hers.

Unlike years before, today has been the most ordinary day for a birthday, even though I received a sweet sweet phone first thing when I woke up from Yangyang across the globe. Then later, in the morning, Bridget and Marissa sang Happy Birthday to "Ms. Tang" after they led the students through the pledge (both in English and Navajo), and throughout breakfast in the cafeteria, students continuously yelled out, "Happy Birthday Ms. Tang!" "How old are you now?" I would smile and respond, "34... 78... 82... 16... 18... take a guess!"

Students still acted the same in class, some acting strange and unwilling to do work, while others stubbornly turning away from me because I failed to respond within 2 seconds of their question... I sighed and went home for lunch despite today is special Thanksgiving dinner in the cafeteria during lunch hour with students and parents. I wanted some quiet and my own cooking away from turkey and pumpkin pie.

Too much grading to do at the moment, instead of giving myself a birthday treat, I stayed after school until almost 5PM to grade, then hobbled back on a sore calf muscle so I can take Casper for a run on the mesa. We ran towards a fire blossom sunset in the distance, and by the time we reached home, it was nearly dark. She's beat, and I am too.

Had our weekly "The Office" Thursday night at Sarah and Anne's place. Sarah even made brownies and ice cream and wine just for me! While I lounged about like other Thursday evenings, my eyes were starting to shut due to fatigue. When I returned home, while folding laundry, it occurred to me just how tired I was from the day and from the week.

Earlier in the week, I had an emotional and memorable conversation with a parent, the end of which was me crying my eyes out and jokingly pleading to her to not tell her son about this scene. As it turns out, my new attitude this year that this is simply a job, rather than a responsibility to serve, has caused my sarcasm and behavior in the classroom to cross certain lines and deeply hurt some students.

The whole string of events have forced me to re-evaluate myself not just as a teacher but as a person. Is it because I really don't care? About anything?

As I sit here close to bed time, I ponder this question... in a melancholy mood. Perhaps it is true that as you get older, birthdays and days in general have less and less of a meaning, but it is what you make of it each day.

One thing I know I am glad about, is that this year of rat is almost year, my nemesis year is almost done... can't wait for it to be done and all bad luck can be out!

Summer Road Trip 2008 Part VI - Hamptons and the home stretch

We left Staten Island (Thank you Ben for your hospitality!) the following morning and headed for the coast. One thing I need to point out: people on the east coast drive like maniac - we almost got into an accident on the highway! The way we figure is this: In the south, speed limit is set very high at 70 or 80mph, so everyone is pretty much going more or less around the same speed. But here, the speed limit is only 60 - now you have people going at 45 mph and some at 80. Perhaps the solution is to raise speed limit, lift the ban on drugs and underage drinking, then everyone will be happy in a much more extreme and lawless world because we'd have our own sense of safety and law.

The Hamptons are beautiful. Casper is overwhelmed by all the greenery this whole way. I think she likes it much more compared to the barren desert we have.

A stop in a quiet park in downtown Southampton. As we walk towards Main Street, people begin to dress just like the way we imagined they'd be dressed in the Hamptons.

The Hamptons are actually situated right next to the Shinnecock Indian Reservation, which I was told, "You are welcome, but the Pilgrim you brought is not." Wow.

Cooper Beach at the Southampton, 4th nicest beach in the country. Because we had a dog, the beach does not allow pets, we had to move far away from the main crowd. It was as if we owned the beach. The water was nothing compared with the water from Charleston. Definitely below 10 degrees! It was so cold that after staying in the water for more than 30 seconds, I thought we were going to die from hypothermia.

We lazily spent almost two hours sunbathing, only to rush to make it on time for our 4PM ferry reservation that will take us straight to Zack's home in Connecticut across the Long Island Sound. Somehow, the GPS told us that the shortest way is to take two additional ferries across two smaller sounds in order to get to the larger ferry. Little did we know that the path we chose took us an hour and half to travel 20 miles. The good news is that we changed the reservation, caught two more ferries (for someone who's never been on a ferry in a car, it was very exciting), and able to make it on time with 5 minutes to spare (last car on the ferry! If we missed this one, then we would have to wait until 7PM!). Whew! First thing, a cold beer to soothe our fatigue and thirst.

Casper's first time on the boat and smell of fresh sea air. She's such a wonderful dog for this whole trip - no car sick, no seasick, just lots of naps.

To match the theme of water, we visited a few bars in Essex, CT. In one of the bars, they were having seafare night where a band would be singing dirty sailor songs. It was a riot.

As the trip winds down - 15 states, 1 destination, and 3 surviving passengers who have managed not to tear each other's hair out (dog included).

I lazily spent one week in Montreal, meeting up with friends, shopping with my aunt. On my last night in Montreal, Kate whopped up a full course home-made Indian cuisine for a party of 9 because when I asked her for some good restaurant suggestions, she said, why don't I cook? That way, it would be BYOW as well. More trouble to you Kate, thank you so much, for making my last night there so memorable and for one of the best Indian food ever.

Summer Road Trip 2008 Part V - Dance the Charleston

After 4-5 hours of driving from Marietta/Atlanta, GA, we arrived in Charleston, South Carolina, mainly to see the beaches and visit Zack's high school buddy. Folly Beach welcomes drunken parties and pets. I wish Casper had a funner time with the water because I do want to see her swimming ability.

The water is incredibly warm, something around 80 degree F. Being at beaches like this in such warm water reminds me of the summer spent in Barbados.

Beach houses line the shore.

The glamorous downtown Charleston - department stores, restaurants, with the University of South Carolina nestled in there somewhere.

The lovely people we stayed with and hung out with. Pete, Zack's crazy and entertaining high school friend who will never stop posing was our stop for Charleston. It's amazing that this whole trip, we were able to get in touch with various people and have lodging in all but two nights on the road. Feels our network is definitely expanding as we grow older.

The restaurant offers one of the best cheese biscuits I have ever had, and I don't even like biscuits! Their pepper cheese is also one of the southern favorites.

Night has fallen on Charleston as we meandered through the streets and stumbled onto Marion Square in downtown, the place for the current arts festival.

This building is right in the middle of USC campus. It is actually a very famous building - the set for the movie Patriot with Mel Gibson and Heath Ledger (RIP). Very recognizable and very ancient. It now houses the student government and art props (?).

Charleston played a significant role in the Civil War, namely the start of the war. At the nearby Fort Sumter, the first shot of gunfire rang out and thus began the war.

Somehow, North Carolina never occurred to me as being part of the South, but South Carolina definitely is. Typical architecture, vegetations, atmosphere, and people.



All the residential houses around campus is gorgeous, exactly the kind of southern beauty that I admired - long sleek wooden stairs, eerie glare that highlights the size of the structures, and large windows on all 4 sides, allowing plenty of light in. This is the kind of house talked about in "Gone With the Wind".


We have a long drive ahead of us tomorrow. We are set on going from Charleston to Staten Island, which is a 14 hour drive, passing through Virginia, DC, and almost every original 13 state on the east coast. Crazy. What's crazier is that we went to to bed at 3:30 that morning after a college night out on the town. We woke up at 6:30, hit the road and got F--- out of town.