Experiences counting down

An entire semester passed without any entry, I do apologize for the inconsistency. Apologies mainly to self for the lack of commitment. "These are precious moments, you need to record every single one," my super blogger aunt reminded me. Perhaps it is also the beginning of my memoir, to which my professor uncle laughed, "You are only 23!" True, but it's never too late. In the New Year, I am making several new resolutions and plan to stick them in large, bold prints on the fridge so that I can remind myself. Speaking of which, New Year is becoming increasingly ANTICLIMACTIC every year, what a great description of it (what a word, thanks Elisa).

New resolutions for 2008:

1. Be more consistent with my blog
2. Walk/run Casper and Jasper daily (or at least one of them if I do end up giving one away)
3. Quit the habit of eating what I like until I can no longer walk
4. Keep in touch with old friends and be more affectionate with the new ones
5. Learn to say "NO" more and often

In any case, over the break, it was a time to reflect, record, and relax. My experiences as a first year teacher began in June when I got in the car that suffered multiple series of AC breakdown in the middle of the summer, exasperated transmission, and a 2000-mile trek all the way down to Texas. However, because my poor memory, I've only began writing my experiences from December on backwards, hoping eventually the series of events will connect, or not connect, with one another. I found adventure in every corner of every day, it all depends on your attitude about it. Each episode may appear to be a single, individual event, but somehow there is a grand picture. So here it goes...

December, 2007

1. Classes are finally over at University of New Mexico. I felt lucky to have just recently graduated from McGill. While the education courses were not difficult – the report card proved right with some shining A and A+s – the stress of managing classes in Gallup twice a week, that’s 4 hours on the road every week, not to mention driving at night, and lesson planning and now dealing with two puppies turned out to be more than my fair share of high pressure life. However, because of a highly demanding curriculum at McGill, I felt my college-student drive was still in me. Eventually, the classes were manageable and I was able to finish with very decent grades. I have therefore built so much confidence in myself that I believe and hope will continue into the future.
2. No plan for a weekend, I thought about visiting Priyanka and Stacia in Navajo, just over the mountains. On a Saturday morning, Priyanka calls up and warns me not to drive, “The road is very dangerous, you have no idea how much snow and icy it is over here.” Quite amazingly, all we are getting in Newcomb is rain and mud. I resigned and watched several episodes of “Project Runway” on the internet while letting the dogs out every once in a while to do their business. Every time they had to come back inside, I would have to wipe their feet clean with a towel because the mud don’t do them any good. Finally around 2PM, I looked at sisters and said to them, “Isn’t this lame? We need to get out, or I need to get out at least.” I packed up my car with an empty coffee mug and a basket full of laundry and drove to Shiprock to sip some tea and do some laundry.
3. At the coffee shop Ah’weh Goh’weh (which means coffee coffee in Navajo), I met Carmen, the waitress and a nameless missionary-styled woman cleaning up after her tutoring service. We chatted and she was amazed at my many experiences, “You should write a book. Maybe next time when you come, you’ll talk and I’ll write it for you.” That is the second time someone told me I should write a book (the first time being Raymond during first year of college) – perhaps it is time to think about it. All of a sudden, I felt part of a community, where people know me by name and I don’t feel out of a place when I drive somewhere.
4. Time to do laundry. What I expected to be a mundane laundry shop was full of surprises. As I sat around waiting for my laundry to finish, one of my students DJ walked by, “Ms. Tang! My parents are here, you should tell them about the puppies!” I’ve been asking around the school if someone would like to take care of them for me while I’m gone away for the holidays. Many students eagerly raised their hands to fight for the “privilege”. I asked them to bring back a note from their parents acknowledging that they are indeed OK with the idea of two more animals in the household. Lucky for me, today the parents were present. We shook hands (so heart-warming, it was the first casual parent-teacher meeting and for the first time, I actually felt like a teacher in a poverty-stricken community, for some odd reason). They asked about the puppies and I mentioned I wanted to give away one of them. They thought about it and said we’ll take it, we’ll take both of them for the holidays. It was too much! I thought it was going to be such an uneventful day and here I am, found a solution to my dog problem and felt like a teacher in action!
5. So one thing solved, I continued on to the drying machine, waiting for every 7 minutes to finish the cycle. While I was waiting, a short and stout woman next to me asked, “Are you an exchange student?” After a brief conversation in which I explained that I am a teacher, she laughed and said because her son once made friends back in high school with a Japanese exchange student, she thought I was the same! No wonder once at a football game, a first grader said to me, “I thought you were a kid…” Anyways, she was a teacher herself and started telling me all about the teacher exchange program where Navajo teachers would go somewhere in Asia to teacher English and even Navajo. Sounds pretty incredible but how come I’ve never heard about it? What an incredible day, rain and ice falling from the sky yet I made meaningful conversations and resolved a stress that’s been on my mind for so long.
6. Recently found out from the TFA New Mexico office that I, along with Towers and Anne were the three people selected to be on the cover of next year’s matriculation packet. Even though I feel I could be a better teacher, I feel very proud of myself to have come this far. That’s another confidence booster that tells me that even though there may be a lot of improvements needed in the classroom, I can still manage and I am and will become a great teacher.
7. Helped to decorate the venue with Gracielle at the TFA annual holiday party All Indian Tribes Center, formerly it was a Middle Eastern restaurant, now it’s a shop where downstairs in the circular building sells jewelry and upstairs is the venue for the party. We arrived several hours before the party started, wrapped the tables with wrapping paper, candles, and ribbons to match the Holiday theme, but also because we did not have any table cloths. People gradually arrived one after the other. In total, there were about 63. The food, for the its price, was a disappointment, but it was nice being the hostess watching everyone interact, to see that cliques did not form and everyone got along with everyone else. In the end, everyone congratulated us on putting together a wonderful show. My reaction was that I barely did anything. Since I lived so far away, there is really not much I can do except for sending out invitation and wrapping the tables.
8. I left the puppies at Katie and Rob’s place. While it was cold that night, I thought they could handle the temperature. Everyone else left the holiday party to hang out at a sports bar and a house party afterwards, but I felt like a mother and wanted to stay with my babies. We watched “Coach Carter”, an inspirational movie about a basketball coach in the ‘hood, teaching student athletes to truly become STUDENT athletes. I became worried about the dogs, they’d freeze! I was heart-broken and decided to bring them inside the garage and put them in the tent. In the morning, I was so sad for them and thought I was such a terrible mother, leaving her children in a terrible condition. I held one of them as I turned on the engine.
9. As the car started, I found that the tire pressure gauge light was on, I had no idea how to manage or measure pressure gauge. Luckily there was Rob and the dealer man who helped me measure tires. While I was learning how to add air to the tires at a gas station, a homeless man walks by and offers to hold the line. He also asked for a ride, but I pointed to the cages inside and offered him a burrito instead. He took it and after the air was done, he sat down and ate his burrito while I drove away and wondered what will become of him tonight.
10. This week, kids are off the wall, reminiscent of a week in October when they all claimed they are like that because of exams. Well, perhaps this is the same thing. One day, D.B., the baddest 16-year-old in 8th grade, showed up with multiple cut marks up his arm, asking and seeking for some attention, “Ms. Tang, do you think it’s normal for someone to do this to themselves?” I truly did not know how to respond to that. Not to mention on that day, I was hard on him for being the way he was, sitting around for another day, doing nothing. After lunch, he made comment in the hallway where everyone can hear his rude and inappropriate comment. I referred him and at the end of the day, he was suspended for 3 days. However, he also came to me to apologize, “I’m really sorry about what I said, I didn’t mean it.” While he’s speaking, his mouth was twitching, and I felt a pain surging up. Forget about the “No touching student” policy. I hugged him and shook his hand, “You know what hurts even more than what you call me? To see you wasting away your potential and sit there day after day, doing nothing!” This was perhaps my most teacher-like-voice-while-trying-not-to-crack-and-show-I’m-on-the-verge-of-crying.
11. Not just DB, today I heard many “This class sucks”, “I hate this class”. In all honesty, I know they are just 13-, 14-year-old angry teenagers, but it still hurt. Every time I experience something terrible on the job, I’d call Zack’s father who proved to be a great support with encouragement and belief. I felt a lot better after speaking with him for over an hour on the phone.
12. A great accomplishment on my behalf. One day, I was under the influence of Ron Clark and made a difficult bet with them. “If you all can learn the material you need for the standardized test in March, I will learn something difficult for you.” I only made such a promise with two classes, one 7th grade and one 8th grade. For the 7th grade class, they were satisfied that I’d learn the Pledge of Allegiance in Navajo, while for the 8ther grade class, they pouted and complained it was too easy. Instead they wanted me to learn the National Anthem in Navajo. Done! I said. After weeks of practicing and everyday silently reciting the pledge and listening to the Rodmilla Cody track more than a hundred times on repeat, I finally got down the two promises. Now I can sing the song and recite more than half by memory. I’m quite proud of myself. Other than few basic Navajo greetings, I can finally say few things completely.
13. Finally the night comes when I need to drop off the dogs. I waited for DJ and her family are ready to leave after the basketball game, I packed up their belongings, putting the toys in one bag and foodstuff in the trunk. I had Jasper in my lap and Casper in the kennel in the back. It was heartbreaking actually. When I finally decided to give away one dog, I find myself couldn’t let her go because I’ve finally started to love her. The dirt road seemed endless from 491. After turning around at the graffiti-stricken windmill and miles in the dark, it took almost 40 minutes on the bumpy ride to get to their shattered trailer unit and meet her mother and brother. It took me awhile to let them go without a proper goodbye. It was still heartbreaking. It was amazing how far they lived, I couldn’t imagine what time DJ wakes up to walk to the bus stop.
14. I came home it was already close to 10. Since the following day was going to be my last in the school, I popped over by Sarah and Anne’s because they had a little something wrapped in training pads for me. They gave me two bottles of red wine (I’d only drink it to share of course!) and a set of wine glasses. Looking back on this month, Nora and Leigh each gave me a beautiful Navajo Christmas pin, “It’s a Navajo tradition to wear it in December”, they said. Somewhat ironic, but I was so grateful to find that after months when I thought I was out there all by myself, I was not after all. I made friends who care a great deal about me and I finally feel fit in. I am looking forward to the rest of the year and another couple of years with the same people, hopefully.
15. Last day before I take off. Had students take my final exam for the unit while I gave out the books as their Christmas presents. Some are so ungrateful or perhaps they are not just too cool for school, but too cool for gifts from their teacher as well. At least I got several, “Do you have Tom Sawyer? YES! I’ve been wanting one for so long!” After school, it was chaos, while I needed to finish my last bus duty, Mr. Pierce from T2T grant came for an interview, at the same time, I had numerous students who came to ask how they can raise their grades… Now it’s a matter of grasping content material. Their hard work and doing all of their work paid off, but they perform poorly on exams, which is something else we need to work on, and is not something that can be altered over night. For some reason, all they believe is that they are missing work not whether or not they understand the material.
16. The interview goes over smoothly. I think I answered all the questions professionally and with a touch of “Keren-ness” to it. The grant is awarded to me, along with a laptop bag and several books, including the Harry Wong one that I’ve been dying to get a hold of. I feel very secure now financially seeing that my courses will be paid for by the foundation. Whew, another financial baggage off my back.
17. Racing to correct all the tests and quizzes so that I can enter the grades. But the server’s down! Frustrated, I went home to “Pack”, throwing everything in the suitcase, zipper up and leave! I miss Jasper and Casper already. Left the front porch light on so as if someone is home. Yeah right. Drove for two hours in the dark towards Grants and had dinner with Leah. First time driving south on 491 in the dark. Normally it’s north homebound. Arrived in Grants around 8PM, ate ritually at El Cafecito, the usual.
18. Bought a steering wheel lock at Wal-mart. Left Leah’s at 5;20 in the morning to drive to ABQ airport. Parked my car, fumbled with the lock but finally managed to work it. Took the shuttle to the airport where everything worked out perfectly. One breakfast burrito lasted me until the evening. Received and dialed numerous phone calls with NMS, the DVD player on my computer isn’t working, what’s the backup plan? Luckily, Mr. Chapman the sub was highly understanding and said they’d take care of it just enjoy your holidays. Sigh, I am forever grateful for the never-ending support from the staff. Mrs. Worthy, the counselor, also called to wish me a happy holidays. Perhaps this is their way of enticing me to stay on the Rez, but I am already bought.
19. Climbed fences over at LaGuardia Airport, possibly one of the worst international airports around. Walked from United terminal to US Airway Terminal, go through the wrong walkway, and had to climb a fence with flat post on it.
20. I waited to be at the end of the line because I wanted to be smart and not rush. I was the last and feeling all cool about it. Until the staff closed the entrance door and told the last 4 of us that we could not get on because the plane had a weight-limit and right now it is “overweight”. Even though we had our own tickets, we had to take a detour trip to DC (Reagan, not Dulles as the representatives were saying) and back up towards Burlington again.
21. There we were, four girls stranded in the capital of our nation, downing beers while we chatted and I worked on entering grades. One of the girls was a business consultant for Ben and Jerry’s, so she gave us each two ice cream coupons. Pretty sweet. I was also able to get all the grades in. In the end it works out well, I got a free round-trip ticket, still got into Burlington that night (even though we arrived home a bit late), got two Ben and Jerry’s coupons and was able to complete my work.
22. On the plane, I sat next to a 5-year-old little girl who was very chatty and friendly. We became instant friends. They were headed towards Rosemont which is more north than Laval. One mother carrying two children, I help her out with the logistics, luckily I love little kids, sometimes I wish I taught elementary. We shared laughs, stories, monsters, crayons, tic-tac-toe (“You are Miss Tic tac toe), and airplane mini-pretzels. Her mom appreciated my patience, and so did everyone else on the plane. The Ben and Jerry’s lady turned around afterwards when we were de-loading and whispered, “You are a saint”. I smiled and thought to myself, “I’m a teacher with infinite amount of patience.”
23. Shared stories with aunt and uncle on the way back. “You have adventure at every turn of the corner.” They remarked. Yes that is true, there’s adventure in everything, it’s all about your attitude. Surprisingly, I found that I accomplished a lot, did a lot, made a lot of friends and have an endless amount of stories to tell. I am turning into a storyteller.
24. Feeling slightly awkward and overwhelmed when I am suddenly thrown back into civilization where men and women appear to be out of a TV show or a magazine, where fashion roam the streets streamed with sparkling Christmas lights. Shared a cup of Starbucks with “Top Ten unsolved mystery” at the bookstore while waited semi-impatiently for a friend who was 45 minutes late. Forever waiting, that’s my calling. Can’t suppress the urge to take a street photo every two seconds, when would I get the occasion to share this with my students, “You see, you can go anywhere you’d like, as long as you want to. You can be anything you want to be.”